June 29, 2014 - LOVE
One of the things I have learned as a parent is this: when a family member is going through a rough time and I don’t know what to do, I just need to love him or her through it. That’s become a kind of mantra for my wife and me because it works. When we come to the end of our rope and don’t know what the “right” thing to do is, we’ll say, “We can love her through it.”
Inviting love into the equation is to invite God into the mix. Bringing our uncertainty and worry into the light of Christ allows us to focus less on the problem and more on the person. God is love, and those who abide in love, abide in God. That is my wish for you and your family.
- Tom McGrath
June 22, 2014 - HOPE
Here’s a trick that can change your outlook on life: watch your language. Let me explain. I was listening to parents who were picking up their daughters from dance class. One mom rattled off the day’s activities as though they were a list of punishments: “I have to get Elizabeth from here to Brownies, and then I have to pick up Jeremy at hockey and take him to the store for new shoes. Then I have to . . . ” Another described her day differently: “Today we get to spend time at the library, and then Maria is looking forward to trying out her new moves at Tae Kwon Do. Tonight we’re excited to see that new Disney flick!”
One mom’s words reflected dread; the other revealed hope. So watch your language and ask, Do my words reflect dread or hope?
- Tom McGrath
June 15, 2014 - LIFT
Being a parent involves a lot of lifting. We lift our infants from their cribs when they need to be fed or comforted. Later on, we lift them when they fall and scrape a knee. We “give them a lift” to soccer practice or piano lessons. When they are sad and “need a lift,” we find ways to cheer them up. In the musical Les Misérables, the hero promises a dying mother that he will care for her daughter. “I will raise her to the light,” he says.
Strong Catholic parents raise their children toward the light of Christ. We do this in many ways throughout the days, weeks, and years they are in our care. Ask yourself, How have I “raised my child to the light” in recent days? How else does my child “need a lift” right now?
- Tom McGrath
June 8, 2014 - SERVE
Research shows that children whose parents volunteer to help others are far more likely to volunteer when they grow up. My mother has inspired her children and grandchildren in this way for decades. She coordinated so many events at the parish when I was growing up that we began to think that setting up tables and chairs was the Eleventh Commandment. Now in her 80s, Mom continues to volunteer - working with young people with special needs, washing and ironing the altar cloths, and working an afternoon each week at the thrift store that supports the local hospital.
Here are two questions to add to your prayer before meals that will inspire your family to serve now and in the future: What am I grateful for today? Whom did I help today?
- Tom McGrath
June 1, 2014 - CALL
My dad could whistle so loudly you could hear its piercing sound three blocks away. When we heard his signature tune, we’d come running home. That was just one way my dad was a good shepherd to us. He also guided us to ignore the calls of those who would lead us into bad behaviors and instead to listen to God’s call to live a life worthy of being called Christian.
You can help your children become attuned to God’s call by familiarizing them with stories from the Gospel; worshiping with the community on Sundays; and praying regularly at meals, bedtime, and in good times and bad. Be a good shepherd; teach your child how to listen for and recognize God’s call. God will speak to all who call on him.
- Tom McGrath
May 25, 2014 - LAUGH
I was 13 when my beloved grandmother died. At the wake, my brother Pat, my cousins Tommy and Kay, and I snuck off to one of the empty parlors. I loved being with my cousins - still do. As always, our hushed conversations quickly turned to giggles and laughs. Then my dad walked in. We felt ashamed of ourselves for laughing during his mother’s wake. We expected to hear, “Knock it off!”
But in the midst of his sadness, Dad smiled. He said, “I’m sure Grammy is so glad to hear you laughing. She loved hearing her grandchildren having a good time together.” Now when I hear laughter at a wake, I welcome it as a gift, a celebration of the life we continue to share with the loved one who has passed into eternity.
- Tom McGrath
May 18, 2014 - WITNESS
While driving on the expressway, a driver cut me off. Impulsively, I voiced my opinion of his character. Suddenly from the back seat, my two-year-old daughter repeated the nasty word I’d just spoken. I was shocked to realize just how closely my daughter was watching me.
Before I despaired over all the iffy behaviors I’d exhibited in front of her, I decided to focus on the good behaviors I had modeled: praying before meals, speaking respectfully to her mother, singing enthusiastically at Mass, helping our elderly neighbor with yard work, readily forgiving others in the family, and speaking respectfully of people of other races and faiths. Every parent makes an occasional blunder in front of his or her child. But what positive values are you displaying day in and day out?
- Tom McGrath
May 11, 2014 - BLESS
A man I know makes a habit of blessing his two sons whenever they leave or return home, even now as they tower above him. If he forgets, they remind him to trace the Sign of the Cross on their foreheads. A woman I know tucks a note of blessing into her children’s lunch bags. Her children cherish these reminders of her love.
We all could use a blessing every day. Carrying a parent’s blessing into the world can help a child feel confident enough to overcome challenges, loved enough to resist temptations, and encouraged enough to make the most of opportunities.
So bless your children daily with positive and caring words and gestures.
- Tom McGrath
May 4, 2014 - AWAKEN
A young couple I know from church gave birth to their first child recently. After offering sincere but brief congratulations, a friend asked them, “Are you getting any sleep?” The couple launched into a story of how often their baby awakens in the night. Having kids does wake us up in the middle of the night, but it can also wake us up to the gifts of the Spirit. Spiritually aware parents awaken to
- the miracle of birth
- an intense love for this sacred person
- a fierce commitment to do what’s best for a helpless child
- the fact that God is at the heart of this newfound relationship
So awaken! God is present in the middle of the night and throughout each and every day.
- Tom McGrath
April 27, 2014 - ACCEPT
A lot of the suffering I have known has come from failing to practice acceptance. Acceptance is neither resignation nor throwing in the towel. It is not a passive stance. Instead, it is taking the irrefutable step of saying yes to what is, rather than wishing for something else. Once we say yes to life on life’s terms, we give ourselves the power to choose our response and allow God enough room to act in the situation.
Let us pray: “God, I know that this situation is difficult and disheartening. But I will not lose hope. I will rise to this challenge, knowing that even my smallest efforts will be outmatched by your desire for my well-being. Help me accept what is, so that I will be open to discovering with you what will be.”
- Tom McGrath
April 20, 2014 - CELEBRATE
When I was a kid, the family car died - and I was glad. The old car was clunky! At the showroom, my brother Pat and I fell in love with a top-of-the-line model. My parents said we couldn’t afford it. But we pleaded. Dad warned if we bought that car, we’d have to scrimp and save. Mom said there’d be no more going out to dinner. We kept pleading. Mom and Dad relented.
The deal was struck; as we drove away, the reality of “scrimping and saving” began to hit home. But suddenly Dad looked at Mom and she nodded. Dad pulled up to our favorite family restaurant. Yes, we would be frugal in the days to come, but first we would celebrate buying this shiny new car that would carry us into our future, together as a family.
- Tom McGrath
April 13, 2014 - CRY
“Jesus wept.” This short verse in John’s Gospel always moves me. Because Jesus is both God and man, he reveals the nature of God in a way we humans can witness and understand. When Jesus learned of the death of his dear friend Lazarus, he was overcome by tears and revealed the compassionate nature of God. God feels our pain and accompanies us in our sorrows.
Life in a family involves moments of sadness, loss, or grief. Sometimes we may feel alone in our sorrow, but God is always close. As Jesus revealed and the mystic Meister Eckhart proclaimed, “Whatever God does, the first outburst is always compassion.” Bring your sadness, loss, or grief and offer it to God who knows your heart and longs to comfort you in your sorrow.
- Tom McGrath
April 6, 2014 - CARE
If you’re lucky, you’ve had at least one teacher in your life who stands out because he or she so obviously cared about the students - and cared about you. That teacher might have been strict and said things that were hard for you to hear. But because those words flowed from care, you were able to take them to heart and act on them, even if it was difficult. Learn from that experience.
As a parent, you may worry that being strict and demanding will hurt your child and put distance between you. It won’t if your actions flow as an expression of your care. When your child needs to be guided or corrected, do so. Just make sure the message underlying your corrective action is, “It’s because I care.”
- Tom McGrath
March 30, 2014 - SUCCEED
How do you define success as a parent?
As Catholics we look to Jesus as the one whose birth, life, death, and Resurrection most completely and reliably reveal God’s dream for us. God wants a relationship with each of us. God wants to be part of all our struggles and our joys, our emptiness and our fullness. God wants us to be free so we can be fully alive. As parents our task is to lead our children to know God, love him, and follow his ways.
We know that despite our attempts to protect them, our children will experience the full range of human experiences, emotions, and temptations. We succeed when we pass on to them the conviction that no matter what happens, they can always turn to God who is at their side.
- Tom McGrath
March 23, 2014 - FAIL
When I was a student at St. Symphorosa grammar school, my class made the Stations of the Cross every Friday in Lent. Following Jesus on his way toward Calvary made a powerful impression on me. I was deeply moved when Jesus fell under the weight of the cross - once, twice, three times.
That experience continued to speak to me, especially when I “fell down on the job” as a parent. As much as we may try, no parent is perfect. There are times when we will fail. But we can carry on, knowing that Jesus has walked this way before us. Remember, Jesus received strength from the Father and his Mother, Mary, as well as assistance from Simon of Cyrene. Let that inspire you to seek sources of help in bearing your own particular crosses as a parent. We are not alone.
- Tom McGrath
March 16, 2014 - TRY
You invite your children to try new foods. You expose them to new activities and experiences to broaden their knowledge of both themselves and the world. Make sure you invite them to try new ways of praying too. Introduce them to the beauty of morning prayer, mealtime prayers, and evening prayers. Pray using the Bible.
Begin with the Psalms or one of the Gospels. I recommend Luke because it begins with fascinating stories of Jesus’ birth. Teach them the parts of the Mass so they can pray along. Take five minutes in the day together - in the morning, at a meal, or in the car - to converse with the Lord. Foster in your children the habit of prayer. It will serve them well all the days of their lives.
- Tom McGrath
March 9, 2014 - CONSIDER
Have you found yourself as a parent reacting without thinking? Maybe you had a fit of anger. Maybe you sulked. Maybe you found yourself blurting out words your mother used to say that you vowed would never come from your lips. Such outbursts are often caused by anxiety. When that happens, it’s time to consider.
You might ask, “Consider what?” Take Jesus’ advice and “consider the lilies of the field” and the “birds of the air” who trust in the Lord and are taken care of by God. Jesus contrasts anxiety and faith. In the Kingdom of God, faith banishes fear and trust diminishes anxiety.
Advertisers and newscasters bombard us with messages meant to increase our anxiety. Instead, listen for the voice of Jesus who invites you to share in his life of fullness.
- Tom McGrath
March 2, 2014 - KNOW
“I never knew my father. He was rarely around.” I hear this often when I give talks to men. If the man seems open and willing, I’ll ask, “Do your children know you?” It’s a good question for all parents to ask. We can be so busy providing for our children’s daily needs that we unintentionally withhold a lasting gift from them - the gift of letting them know who we are, what matters to us, and what we stand for.
An easy way to offer that gift is to tell stories from your past. Use prudence, of course, and be sure to relay stories that highlight God at work in your life. Telling meaningful stories from our past helps our children know us and feel grounded in the present and better prepared to face the future.
- Tom McGrath
February 23, 2014 - BELIEVE
You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “Seeing is believing.” It conveys a “doubting Thomas” brand of suspicion as in “I won’t believe it until I see the proof.” But Jesus had a different take. He tells us, “Believing is seeing!”. The act of believing - that is, opening our hearts and losing our fears - can help us see that something better is possible in our present situation, no matter how dire it may seem.
The very act of putting our trust and belief in the power of God opens our eyes to all sorts of possibilities, and that is certainly true in our families. With the eyes of faith, we parents can better see that God is at work in our home, helping us to be faithful, loving, generous, and, sometimes, even wise.
- Tom McGrath
February 16, 2014 - APPRECIATE
Parents set the climate in the home, whether warm and welcoming or icy and aloof. Appreciate is a word that holds great meaning for parents as they seek to establish a healthy atmosphere for their children. Do you appreciate each of your children for the person he or she is? Do you show appreciation for the contributions each child makes to the life of the family? Do you help your child appreciate the gift of faith the family has been given and help it deepen and grow?
Every human being wants to be seen and appreciated for the person he or she is. Give your children that gift each day by recognizing their gifts, encouraging their interests and skills, and appreciating their unique and God-given personalities. In prayer, experience how God appreciates you!
- Tom McGrath
February 9, 2014 - OPEN
It’s a painful day when your child comes home from school or play feeling broken-hearted and betrayed by friends. His or her natural reaction - and sometimes ours - is likely to become angry and spiteful. Your child may stop trusting because it’s easy for a heart to harden. But Jesus calls us to live openheartedly, ready to reconcile, trust, and forgive. That’s a tough lesson to master, but one that is at the very heart of being a disciple of Jesus - “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass”.
We parents do our children no favors when we encourage resentment or spite. Instead, through our words and especially our example, we can invite them to the deeper satisfaction of living with hearts that are open to trust, forgiveness, and love.
- Tom McGrath
February 2, 2014 - CLOSE
When my daughters were little, we had a ritual every evening to put away their toys. They’d scurry around, gather up their items, and bring them to me where I knelt beside the toy box. As they’d bring each beloved plaything, I’d open the lid, and we’d each say, “Good night, block,” or “Good night, Noah’s ark,” and then they’d place that toy in the box.
This ritual was a way of helping them wind down while bringing the evening to a close. Endings matter in a family - even the end of an ordinary day. They deserve a bit of care. Small endings handled well prepare our children for bigger endings, such as friends moving, getting cut from a team, or losing a loved pet or family member. Pay attention to endings, and give them their due.
- Tom McGrath
January 26, 2014 - WORK
There’s an old story about a traveler who approached two stone masons and asked each one what he was doing. The first mason grumbled, “All day long I have to take these big stones and break them into smaller stones.” The second one smiled and said, “I get to build a cathedral!”
Work can sometimes seem like a curse, but our Catholic faith tells us work is a blessing. Our attitude plays a big part in whether we experience work - whether on our jobs or in our homes - as drudgery or joy. Instead of saying, “I have to…,” practice saying, “I get to…,” Rather than “I have to take my kids to soccer practice,” say, “I get to take my kids to soccer practice.” This trick can turn dreary days into wonderful opportunities for you and your family.
- Tom McGrath
January 19, 2014 - FAIRNESS
Two brothers live on my block- Gerald, my next-door neighbor, and Mike, who lives down the block. I like to say they run a school for fairness.
As winter approaches each year, the brothers build an ice rink in Gerald’s yard. When the first cold wave arrives, they get to work, and soon the rink is ready for hockey. The two brothers teach not only the rules of the game, but also rules important in life, such as it’s more fun when the teams are evenly matched; everyone who wants to play gets to play; and if you hog the puck too often, you sit in the penalty box. Children need to learn fairness, and there’s no place like home to begin those lessons - especially if that home has an ice rink in the backyard.
- Tom McGrath
January 12, 2014 - CONTINUE
I remember the day we brought our eldest daughter, Judy, home from the hospital. As I held my newborn daughter, I felt tremendous peace and joy. And then she started to cry. Immediately I had two thoughts: First, shouldn’t there be someone here who knows what they’re doing? And second, I became terrified with the realization that I was officially on parent duty for the rest of my life.
Becoming a parent changes your identity forever. You are for now and always this child’s mom or dad. This is an enormous privilege and an enormous responsibility. The trick is to “just keep showing up” - to begin each day with a prayer that I can provide what my children need and the commitment to, as best I can, do what love requires.
- Tom McGrath
January 5, 2014 - COMMIT
The new year is a time for resolutions. We can be tempted to perform a complete makeover of ourselves, but being super-ambitious usually turns out to be unwise. Rather than trying to change everything at once, it’s best to focus on one new habit or practice that will have a big impact. Here’s how to start:
- Pray for wisdom and prudence.
- Select and commit to one new practice you can adopt that will improve your family’s quality of life.
- Begin each day asking God to help you follow through.
Choose something like practicing patience, performing a secret act of kindness each day, or praying each morning or night with your children. Commit to what matters most to you.
- Tom McGrath
December 29, 2013 - REFLECT
One year closes and another begins. It’s time for New Year’s resolutions. The media is filled with suggestions and tips to eat better, exercise more, and save more money. But here’s something else to think about - something that could have a valuable and lasting impact for generations to come.
Set aside time to reflect prayerfully on your life as a parent. Ask yourself, “What one thing would I like to do to be a better parent?” What comes to mind? Don’t force it; let the idea come. It might be “listen more,” “enjoy my kids more,” or “get more rest so I can be a kinder person.” You’ll know it when it comes. Then ask God for the grace to embrace this resolution and to remove the obstacles to achieve it, one day at a time.
- Tom McGrath
December 22, 2013 - SING
During one of those all-family “we’ve got to get this house organized” clean-up days, I heard my daughters say, “We can’t get rid of these!” They were clutching old vinyl record albums of Christmas carols. They proclaimed, “We listened to these over and over when we were little!” Even though it was March, we found a turntable in the attic, put on the albums, and enjoyed them once more.
Back in the day, we not only listened to these hymns but sang them together throughout Advent, Christmas, and beyond. The hymns carried the essence of the Gospel and placed it forever in my daughters’ hearts. “Silent night, holy night, Son of God, love’s pure light.” So, no, we didn’t get rid of those albums. It would have been like tossing out the family Bible.
- Tom McGrath
December 15, 2013 - COOPERATE
I brought my four-year-old daughter Judy to a Holy Name Society meeting featuring a visit from Santa. It was what my friend Joellyn calls “a dadrun event.” In other words: chaos. As my daughter waited patiently to approach Santa, boisterous boys cut in line in front of her. Judy said, “They won’t cooperate. They just want to be first.”
Family life goes better when we all cooperate, and so does the world. Here is a recipe for what to teach your children about cooperating and the desire to be first:
1. Be the first to be aware of others.
2. Be the first to be understanding.
3. Be the first to be kind.
4. Be the first to be encouraging.
5. Be the first to forgive.
6. Be the first to be joyful.
- Tom McGrath
December 8, 2013 - YEARN
My friend Father Paul Campbell, S.J., says we are all born with a God-shaped hole in our hearts. Our deepest longing is for God to fill that emptiness. This yearning for God is also in our children. As parents, it is our task and blessing to help our families find healthy ways to fill that emptiness.
Advent is the season when the Church listens to that inner longing. It’s also when we prepare to welcome Jesus, the end of all our yearning. The world will try to excite us about gifts and material possessions as ways to fill that longing. But they don’t satisfy. Jesus is the one who satisfies. Remember that when your family sings the Advent hymn, “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.”
- Tom McGrath
December 1, 2013 - PREPARE
I experienced a kind of enlightenment one Saturday while cleaning the bathroom. We were preparing for company. In a flash, I came to see that our chores - the cooking, cleaning, dragging chairs up from the basement - were sacred actions. Preparing for guests is certainly mundane, but that was the point. I imagined Jesus standing next to me, telling me, “You say you want to get close to me. Don’t you realize how close I am to you already? Spending hours on your knees reciting prayers as if in an endurance contest is not what I’m asking of you. When you’re down on your knees scrubbing the floor for your family, just know that I am there.”
This Advent, follow Blessed Teresa’s example and “Do small things with great love.”
- Tom McGrath
November 24, 2013 - EAT
For ancient Jews, sharing a meal was a sacred act because it involved giving thanks to God. Today, family meals can prepare us to gather at the table of the Lord, but the reverse is true as well. Actively celebrating the Mass prepares us for a deeper connection and joy at our own kitchen tables. Remember, Jesus’ gift of his Real Presence invites our real presence as well.
Beyond regular attendance at Mass, here are six tips for making your meals a blessing for you and your family: 1. Bring your real presence (no distractions). 2. Be grateful. 3. Pray together. 4. Remember those less fortunate. 5. Connect by listening and sharing. 6. Thank the cook and help clean up!
- Tom McGrath
November 17, 2013 - GATHER
This is the time of year when families begin to gather. Thanksgiving is coming, followed by all the many celebrations of Christmas and New Year. Here are a few tips on how best to gather with your extended family: Be a little more welcoming, a little more understanding. Be a little more forgiving and a lot more compassionate. Ask questions about what others care about and then listen more than you talk. Tell the guests at least one reason you are grateful they are in your life. Before you eat, reflect and pray together.
Families are often on their best behavior when guests are present. So remember what Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” Honor your guests as you would Jesus.
- Tom McGrath
November 10, 2013 - EXPLORE
Jesus often sent people he encountered into action saying, “Go!” “Go; your faith has made you well,” he told the man born blind. “Go, sell what you own,” he told the man born rich. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations,” he told the Apostles. Each case is an invitation to explore a new way of living in the light of grace.
Parents begin to explore a whole new way of living when children come into our lives. We learn to tend to our children’s ailments, whether physical or psychological; we sacrifice immediate ease and pleasure for their physical, spiritual, and moral welfare; and we teach in both word and example what it means to follow Jesus, who tells us, Go! Explore what it means to live in the Kingdom of God.
- Tom McGrath
November 3, 2013 - REMEMBER
In Together magazine, John Dumschat recalls the day he left his house in a rage. As dinnertime neared, he was reluctant to bring such anger back home. He wrote, “We have a custom of beginning meals by holding hands to say grace. The rage still simmered, but this was our custom. All eyes focused on me, the father. I reached out and we all joined hands. We felt a profound sense of healing and peace the moment our hands linked. The anger was gone, replaced by the love that gives our family its existence.”
Notice three things: They had a customary way of saying grace. Christ’s peace flowed from one person to another as they prayed. Their family ritual helped them all remember who they were and what mattered most. Foster family customs in your home.
- Tom McGrath
October 27, 2013 - COMFORT
A youngster makes his daily call to his mom after a difficult day in middle school. Mom asks what’s wrong, and he mumbles, “Nothing”. She makes a mental note to check on him at bedtime and stops on the way home from work to buy the ingredients to make his favorite meal. “Comfort my people,” says the Lord. And she does.
A dad notices that his daughter is sad and sitting alone. Her friends left for the mall without her. He asks her to help him with a repair project. On the way to the hardware store, they stop for doughnuts, and he tells her about the day she was baptized and how every family member held her and blessed her tiny forehead. “Comfort my people,” says the Lord. And he does.
Our children need our presence. Notice and respond.
- Tom McGrath
October 20, 2013 - WASH
At the beach recently, I noticed four cute toddlers splashing and playing while their mother kept a watchful eye on each of them. In time, the woman, using a washcloth and lake water, vigorously scrubbed each tiny foot and tenderly toweled it dry. She carried each child to the family’s minivan and placed each child in their appointed car seat and drove away.
I felt I had witnessed a sacred moment. I recalled Saint John’s account of Jesus kneeling to wash the feet of his friends. “I have set you an example” Jesus said. Washing, when done as loving service, is a holy action. Parents wash their children’s faces and hands and feet. When we do so with love, we model Jesus’ lesson that self-giving love is the truest sign of the Kingdom of God.
- Tom McGrath
October 13, 2013 - SORT
Parents spend a lot of time sorting. We sort the laundry and the silverware, toys and coupons, junk mail and bills. We sort through which invitations and opportunities will make it onto the family calendar and which ones we’ll decline. There’s often too much to do, and it can be hard to keep sane. So how do you decide how your family will spend its precious time and energy?
Jesus says, “seek ye first the kingdom of God,” which means put God’s will in the center of your life. Prudence, the virtue that helps us make decisions based on wisdom rather than impulse, can help you sort. When your family is feeling overbooked, exercise prudence by asking, “Which activities bring us closer to one another and to Christ, and which simply make us busy?”
- Tom McGrath
October 6, 2013 - PONDER
“Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.”
(Luke 2:19)
One thing we know about Mary, the mother of Jesus, is that she pondered. She wasn’t a knee-jerk responder. Instead she treasured the amazing events of Jesus’ birth and early life in her heart. The hectic pace of family life today encourages quick action. That can be a good thing. But sometimes events happen in our lives that are mysterious and require the slow and careful consideration that pondering provides.
It may help to turn an old saying on its head: “Don’t just do something, sit there!” Pondering, considering things deeply, recognizes that God’s designs are unfolding in our lives in ways we may not immediately understand. God is at work in your life as a family. Ponder away!
- Tom McGrath
September 29, 2013 - BEHOLD
Behold is an old-fashioned word that should never go out of style. To behold is to see and savor the reality beyond what meets the eye. When your heart warms as you watch your sleeping toddler, you behold. When you look away from the TV or computer screen and peer into your child’s eyes as you listen, you behold. When you stop in the middle of an argument, take a deep breath and ask, “What’s really going on with us?” - you behold.
I heard a homilist once say that the whole New Testament can be summed up in one word: behold. Behold the Good News in your family, the ways God is present and working among you so that you may have life and have it more abundantly.
- Tom McGrath
September 22, 2013 - THRIFTINESS
For many families, Christmas and birthdays feature children frantically ripping open endless packages one minute and then feeling empty and cranky the next. That same pattern describes society at times: manic buying followed by inevitable disappointment.
The virtue of thriftiness encourages wisdom in how we choose to use our resources. With landfills overflowing and playrooms littered with unused toys, thriftiness is gaining appeal as a virtue for our times. Being thoughtful about how we use our God-given gifts of money, time, and energy allows us to live more consciously, use fewer resources, and make choices that are more likely to satisfy over the long haul.
Thriftiness asks, “Will this purchase bring joy to my life and the lives of others or just provide a passing thrill or an emotional quick fix?”
- Tom McGrath
September 15, 2013 - FIDELITY
Too often fidelity is defined negatively as the mere avoidance of its opposite - personal betrayal. But fidelity encompasses all the ways we nurture and develop the positive feelings in any relationship. That would include acknowledging a family member’s feelings, going out of our way to do something nice for a spouse, or calling a grandparent just to say hi.
It is important to guide our children in ways to practice fidelity so they taste the joy of commitments nurtured and friendships celebrated. Show them they have responsibilities to the family, too. Affirm them when they show thoughtfulness to other family members. Encourage them to keep their promises to family members and friends. Most important, point to ways God has always shown fidelity to you in your life.
- Tom McGrath
September 8, 2013 - HOSPITALITY
When I was a kid, my friend Vinnie was a frequent visitor - coming over early and staying late. His mother suffered migraines, which put her in a bad mood. Our home was a haven for him. Years later we moved, and I said good-bye to my friends. One lucky day, I met Joe, who had seven siblings. I felt so welcome in his home that, decades later, when I visited his aging parents, I glanced behind their back door expecting to see my baseball mitt was still there.
Hospitality recognizes and responds to the vulnerable state of the stranger. It’s good for families to be close. It’s even better when close families open their homes and hearts to others who need friendship and an occasional safe place to land.
- Tom McGrath
September 1, 2013 - MODERATION
Moderation helps us find balance. It is the virtue that allows us to keep a good thing from becoming too much of a good thing, whether that’s too much food, drink, work, shopping, or the need to be popular.
Lack of moderation affects our children in numerous ways: our behaviors set a bad example, we become less available to them, and shame can lead to secrecy and withdrawal from the family.
Moderation helps us honestly recognize where we are out of balance and enables us to admit that to trustworthy and helpful people. It also offers us a chance to create new lifegiving habits to replace the ones that cause problems. We don’t do this alone. Moderation flows from the grace of God and the support of good companions.
- Tom McGrath
August 25, 2013 - EMPATHY
Maternity-ward nurses know that when one infant cries, the other infants soon join in. This is life’s earliest example of empathy - identifying with the feelings of others. Empathy is the foundational building block of all morality. It enables us to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Parents can nurture empathy in their children by asking, “How do you think Robby felt when you called him that name?” or involving them in acts of charity toward others.
The most powerful tool parents have in teaching empathy is modeling empathic behavior with people they meet or talk about. Jesus says that we will be judged according to how we responded to those who are hungry, hurting, and in need. Empathy enables us to respond to the needs of others.
- Tom McGrath
August 18, 2013 - COURAGE
Being a strong Catholic parent takes courage. We are called upon to stand firm and enact consequences even when other parents take an easier route, causing our children to conclude that we are unfeeling tyrants. Courage enables us to follow through on our convictions and act boldly even when the outcome is unclear. It enables us to stand by our beliefs and remain confident that our action will be best for our child in the long run.
Courage enables us to think beyond the moment’s discomfort to how today’s actions (or inactions) will help or hinder our child in the future. And when our convictions tell us to take a stand but our fear tells us no, courage enables us to defeat our fear and lovingly serve our children’s best interests.
- Tom McGrath
August 11, 2013 - REVERENCE
Is there a sacred object in your home? Maybe there is and you just don’t realize it. Look around your home. What speaks to you of God’s presence? Maybe it’s a drawing your child made declaring you “World’s Greatest Parent!” Maybe it’s a family heirloom that evokes memories and gratitude. Maybe it’s your kitchen table. If we have the eyes to see the sacredness of all of life, we will treat even the most mundane objects in our homes with reverence.
Once we recognize that everyone we encounter (even each family member) bears the likeness of God, we will come to treat them more reverently.
As you model reverence for your children, they will begin to treat the people and objects in your home as gifts from God.
- Tom McGrath
August 4, 2013 - LISTEN
When a young boy and his father went to the park, the dad struck up a conversation with other parents nearby. His son stood by his side trying to get his attention: “Dad? Dad?” The father, so attentive to the other adults, seemed oblivious to his child. Similarly, as a mom was picking up her kids from school and loading them into the minivan, her daughter told a rambling story about what happened in class that day. The mom was preoccupied until her daughter suddenly stopped and asked, “Mom, are you listening?” Listening is not always easy.
The Rule of Saint Benedict calls monks to “listen with the ear of the heart.” One of the most meaningful gifts we parents can give our children is to listen - without distraction and with a listening heart.
- Tom McGrath
July 28, 2013 - LET GO
Last week we looked at welcoming our children as the individuals they are. This week we look at the complementary spiritual practice of being willing to let our children go. Letting go starts early: the first time we leave our child with a babysitter, child-care provider, or preschool teacher. And before you know it, they’re driving on their own, heading off to a job, or going away to college. Letting go graciously - with trust in the goodness of God - can be a challenge for parents.
Luckily, we can look to the example of God, our Father, who both welcomes us into life and, by the gift of free will, lets us go. We gain comfort knowing that, like God, our hearts are never far from the children we launch into life.
- Tom McGrath
July 21, 2013 - WELCOME
Two spiritual practices that many parents are already familiar with are welcoming and letting go. This week let’s look at welcoming. We welcome our children even before their birth by preparing a space in our homes and in our lives for them. We practice the virtue of welcoming as our children grow and reveal they have individual personalities and wills of their own. Our behavior as parents influences what our children come to believe about God. When we welcome our children with love, care, and delight, they learn that God also loves, cares for, and delights in them.
You welcome your child when you look him or her in the eye, listen deeply, and simply appreciate who this unique child of God is and is becoming. And that becomes especially true when they become teenagers!
- Tom McGrath
July 14, 2013 - PATIENCE
One afternoon one of my daughters was uncharacteristically cranky. She started whining, wouldn’t listen, and seemed intent on making my life miserable. I grew increasingly impatient and angry until I realized that she was coming down with the flu and her irritability was a symptom. Once I knew the cause of her crabbiness, compassion replaced my impatience. I began to care for my daughter and deal with a small but healthy dose of guilt in my heart. Patience means facing life on life’s terms, which means on God’s terms. It means tolerating delay, something our fast-paced society finds difficult.
The way to patience is to keep your eye on the big picture and be fully attentive to the present moment. To cultivate patience this week, pray using Jesus’ words, “Thy will, not mine, be done.”
- Tom McGrath
July 7, 2013 - WORDS
Consider all the thousands of words you speak to your family every day. Words are powerful. They can lift us up, knock us down, wound us deeply, or cause our hearts to soar. Words allow us to communicate what we want and need, what we believe and value, and whom we love and why. When we make a promise, we say, “I give you my word,” which means I stake my reputation and honor on what I say. At Mass, we hear the words of Scripture and pray, “Thanks be to God.”
In the coming year, we will reflect on one word each week to help you grow strong as a Catholic parent. This week, simply notice the words you share with your family. Do your words nurture your children’s tender faith?
- Tom McGrath
